Miracle trilogy.

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Title: The Places I Can't Follow
Rating: PG
Players: Ilya Kovalchuk/Martin St. Louis
Summary: What scares you the most? From Ilya's POV; written for Bernie. Part one of Miracle trilogy.


It is swirls of whipped cream on a cake; it is dancing through a garden of stars. Only it lasts less than minutes, and we are back on the bed we started, gasping and panting.

It would have been perfect. Except that he had to ask.

“Where do you think I am going?”

His voice is speculative, he is musing, but tonight I want none of that. It is too hot out, or too cold, or maybe something in between. Whatever it is, it’s not just right. I bury my head deeper into my pillow that smells of his sweat and faded cologne.

“Ilya. I know you’re not asleep.”

Perhaps, but does that mean I am awake? Certainly my eyes are open, but my mind is still. It’s too soon after reaching for the stars to talk about deeper things, I want soft fluffy piles of sweet nothings to float in, I want boring white sheets to cradle me, I want to stay suspended in oblivion.

He sighs, a puff of cool air across the back of my neck, and…

…and…

…moves away.

Then I am scrambling, trying to untangle my legs from the blankets, arms flailing to reach him. I manage to get to my knees before pitching forwards toward the edge of the bed, out into space, but it doesn’t matter because please don’t go please don’t go-

He catches me, holding me tight against his naked chest, and I can’t look into his eyes because mine are shining in the moonlight. I press my face against his shoulder and clutch at his arms, he is firm and I am trembling, he is calm and I am wild.

“Ilya. Ilya, relax, I’m only going to use the bathroom.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.” His hands run up and down my back, smoothing out the shivers. I look up to verify his words and find him gazing at me with dark, worried eyes. He worries. No, he will not leave.

Slowly, I let him slip from my grasp and sit back into bed. He offers me a half smile and goes into the bathroom; I can’t see him there but I hear him moving, his bare feet shrinking from the cold tile.

The moment he slides back in bed I have my arms around his waist. Not too tightly, because they say the tighter you hold on, the easier it is to break what you have. Just tight enough so I can feel his solid weight against me.

He runs one of his hands through my hair, teasing the short ends, and asks again, “Where do you think I am going?”

No where. Everywhere. I don’t know, I don’t care. As long as I am not left behind.

“I have to go home tomorrow.”

I know that.

“Next time you will come stay with me.”

I know that too.

“Will you be okay until then?”

I blink. Will I? Have I been okay at all? I don’t remember what okay feels like. But I remember when I last felt it. It was right after I said good bye. Right before the car shattered. Before I was left alone, forever.

“Ilya.”

“I will…try.”

And he knows it is the best I can give him. He can’t ask for more, because he understands that he doesn’t understand me. He doesn’t know what I’ve been through. But he knows how to take care of me.

He kisses me softly, holding me to my promise to try. I kiss him back, holding him to me. He is tiny, small, with bad hair and delicate satin skin, yet when he is over me I feel sheltered from the world.

I thread my legs through his and spread out under him, so that every part of him is touching every part of me, and clutch his shoulders tight. Stay there. Stay there, just like that, framed in moonlight, watching over me. Please.

“Ilya…” He brushes his lips over my cheek in a feather light kiss. “Where do you think I am going?”

“Heaven.”

--

Title: East of the Sun and West of the Moon
Rating: G
Players: Ilya Kovalchuk/Martin St. Louis
Summary: If you know he will leave you, would you still stay now? Part two of Miracle trilogy.


One thousand dancing stars in the sky, Marty thought, closing his eyes. So one thousand wishes for you.

He holds the young man resting against his chest a little closer, and tilts his head to blow a soft kiss into his lover’s hair. Ilya stirs slightly, then returns to snoring on Marty.

I hope all your wishes do come true; and you know that I love you too.

Ilya’s arms are wrapped loosely around Marty’s waist, the ends crossing over each other on Marty’s hip. Long fingers unconsciously stroke the soft, pale skin underneath, tracing over a jutting hipbone.

Marty smiles sadly at the possessive gesture. He is going to miss it.

East of the sun and west of the moon, that’s where you’re going to.

Because while he knows Ilya cares for him, and used to be so afraid of losing him, he also knows that Ilya is going to be the one to leave him.

Perhaps I’ll be there too?

Perhaps.

--

Title: Red Queen Race
Rating: PG
Players: Martin St. Louis/Ilya Kovalchuk, Dany Heatley
Summary: Running as fast as you can to stay in the same place. Because some things are worth changing for. Third and final part of Miracle trilogy.


He stood, panting, shoulders shaking, still not quite certain if he had really done what he had done. But his hand hurt, his bones still vibrated sending tremors up his arm, telling him that yes, yes he had. Ilya shivered and looked down.

Marty lay sprawled across the floor, one hand cradling his jaw. When he moved his hand away, Ilya could see it was swelling already.

“I…”

Marty glared up at him. “Are we done?”

~~

“I’m glad you’re back, Dany.”

“I’m glad to be back.” And Dany smiled that gap toothed smile, and he looked so happy that Ilya just couldn’t resist reaching over and giving his friend a quick hug.

But the hug turned into a kiss turned into sex in the showers, and before Ilya knew what he was doing he was back in that familiar pattern, following Dany to his car, making plans to stay at Dany’s house.

Marty was coming this weekend.

“But Ilya…” Dany pleaded, his eyes wide and sorrowful.

“I…”

“That’s fine, Ilya. You can’t miss team bonding stuff. It’s okay; I’ll see you some other time.” And Marty hung up.

Ilya blinked at his cell phone, watching the screen change from ‘connected’ to ‘call ended: 00:24’. A twenty four second lie.

Dany smiled. “You ready?”

~~

“Are we done?” Marty spat, making sure to duck his head as he got to his feet. And Ilya knew it was to hide the tears that were threatening to fall, even though he couldn’t see them. So he strengthened his resolve.

“No. You are not leaving.”

Marty looked up to glare, eyes glittering, though now Ilya couldn’t tell if it was because of held back tears or anger.

“Why? What’s the point of me staying?”

Ilya swallowed hard, trying to force the words out properly. “I want you to.”

“You want Dany. Stop lying to me, Ilya.” Marty sighed, a shuddering sigh that made his shoulders quiver, and closed his eyes. “I’m so tired.”

“I am NOT lying.” Ilya drew in a deep breath, wishing there was some easy way to make Marty see this. Wishing that he could just rip his chest open and let Marty see what was written on his heart, or, in a less dramatic fashion, project his thoughts onto a wall. “I just…it was easy. To do what I did. Not that it was right, it was just easy.”

“Ilya. Stop.”

“No. I don’t want easy anymore, okay?” Ilya yelled hoarsely. “With you…with you, it’s always so hard. You treat me like I am some fucking glass doll. I’m not, Marty. I am not broken now. So stop fixing me.”

Marty opened his eyes slowly and drew in a deep breath. “What do you want me to do then?”

“Just love me.” Ilya took a step forward, gently touching the growing bruise on Marty’s face with his fingertips. “Do you?”

Marty shivered slightly, tilting his head back to look at Ilya. “Of course I do.”

Ilya smiled softly. “We change for each other, okay? Keep changing so we can keep fitting together. Because that’s what I want.”

Marty turned his face so he could kiss the palm of Ilya’s hand and whispered a promise.