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Sep. 10th, 2006 08:45 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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kirei_dakaraTitle: Currents
Players: Jordin Tootoo/Ilya Kovalchuk
Rating: PG
Summary: Everything always changes. We just have to make the best of it. Written for Bernie's road trip challenge.
A/N: Rankin Inlet is in Nunavut, a territory of Canada. It is in the Arctic Circle.
Ilya is dreaming of air moving like water. A slow drag twines around him and he shivers, not out of cold but unease. The currents are the color of blue and ash. In the distance a strange noise forces him into half consciousness, and he wonders if it’s his ceiling fan. Then he leaves the dream fully behind and realizes someone is knocking at his front door.
He slumps downstairs while pulling on his robe, eyes squinting in the grey darkness, trying to think of who could possibly be here this early in the morning.
It’s Jordin.
“Sorry,” is Jordin’s greeting because he knows it’s early too.
Ilya blinks slowly to keep Jordin in focus. The shorter man looks pale and tired but his eyes are strangely, feverishly bright.
“What?”
“I need to hear the ocean.”
“What?” Ilya’s brow creases in confusion. “Buy one of those nature tapes. Did you drive here?”
“I need to feel it…I need…” Jordin sighs, like he’s run out of words. “Come with me.”
Ilya is sure he can deal with this better with some more sleep. “You’re crazy. I’m going back to bed.”
“Please. I can’t do this alone.”
Now it’s Ilya’s turn to sigh because nothing breaks him down more than the truth. And Jordin needing him, that’s the truth. So he shoves his keys into the pocket of his robe and follows Jordin to the car.
The last thing he hears before falling asleep again, sprawled out in the back seat, is Jordin’s voice.
“Thanks.”
--
Jordin can’t decide if the gas station is trying to be old fashioned or is just old as he watches the numbers tick by on the pump. He can feel the back of his neck start to burn from being hit by the newly risen sun and he shudders involuntarily. He still hates summers down here.
Back in Rankin the salty wind kept everything cool and it always felt like sunset because the sun never went down. Things were suspended for a moment in time and Jordin loved that about summers in Rankin. He misses it fiercely but can’t bring himself to go back; he can’t ever really go back.
The pump stops and Jordin hurries to put everything away. The air is balmy and getting hotter by the minute; he slides back into the car with a breath of relief.
“How long have we been driving?” Ilya sits up, yawning, the front of his robe falling half open to reveal a sliver of pale chest.
“Almost two hours.” Jordin pauses. “Do you want some coffee? I have coffee.”
“Yeah, okay.” Ilya sheds the robe and in only boxer shorts clambers into the passenger seat. He takes the cup Jordin offers him and sips, then makes a face. “It’s cold.”
“I bought it in Nashville.”
Ilya makes another face but drinks anyway. “Any food?”
“There’s some Power Bars in the glove compartment. We can stop for food later.”
He’s pulling out of the gas station as Ilya starts to rummage.
--
“Tell me again why we’re driving two hundred miles to the ocean?” Ilya has his feet up on the dashboard and is leaving toe prints on the windshield.
“It’s summer. I can’t not be by the sea.”
“So why didn’t you fly home?”
“We don’t fly in the summer, and my home is in Nashville, remember.”
Ilya looks over at Jordin, who is only focused on the road. He wonders if those little speech lapses happen all the time, or just around him. He knows Jordin isn’t a twin, but more often than not he acts like one. Jordin has always needed another half. And suddenly Ilya is certain he’s been chose for the part.
“Fuck.”
“What?”
“Stop the car.”
“I can’t just – “
“Stop the car for a fucking minute, okay?”
Jordin frowns but pulls off to the side of the highway and Ilya’s out of the car before it’s fully stopped. It’s nowhere near noon but the pavement is already hot enough to scorch his bare feet. Ilya doesn’t care. He closes his eyes and concentrates on staying still.
“Are you okay?” Jordin’s voice is full of soft concern. It makes Ilya’s stomach clench.
“I don’t want to be important to you.” Because if it’s unrequited it never has to change and they can stay this way forever. Stay where it’s safe.
“That’s not for you to decide.”
Ilya opens his eyes to see Jordin facing away from him.
“Time doesn’t stop here so we have to move forward. I want you to come with me. Do you really not want to?”
He makes it sound so simple, Ilya thinks wryly, coming down on Jordin’s easy words. He knows Jordin is right; when they’re together they don’t have to run but they can’t stay still either. However, that doesn’t mean it’s any less daunting.
“I’m afraid to.”
Jordin turns around, his eyes dark, serious. “That’s okay.”
“Yeah?” Ilya breathes in deeply and reaches out to touch Jordin’s lips. They’re trembling. Somehow, that makes him feel better. “We should get back in the car.”
Even though Ilya still feels like he’s slipping away, Jordin’s smile makes the direction he’s being carried in seem slightly less terrifying.
--
The glimmering line on the horizon looks like fire and Jordin loves it. It means they’re almost at the end, and this time when they start over it’ll be on moving water, not ice.
The radio is on and something vaguely country drifts from the speakers; it’s background music to Ilya’s snores. Jordin takes his eyes off the road for a minute to just look at the sleeping man.
Ilya is nothing like what he wanted yet is everything that he needs.
And Jordin understands why Ilya’s scared, he’s scared too, because making someone important means there’s a possibility of loss, of pain. Still, he doesn’t want to stop. If one day, they end, Jordin wants to know that they ended burning as brightly as they could.
Then it would be worth it.
--
Even though Ilya’s never thought the ocean particularly anything, he admits it’s very nice now. The sand is comfortingly hot beneath him, the air is soothingly sticky, and the waves are loud enough to drown out unnecessary thoughts.
Besides him, Jordin is laying spread eagle with his eyes closed.
“It’s too hot,” he mumbles, “but it’s nice.”
“You can go cool off in the water,” Ilya suggests, poking at Jordin’s side. The skin he touches is warm.
“Maybe later.” He grabs Ilya’s hand and pulls him down until they’re lying together. “Just stay here. It’s similar but not the same, feel it? It’s almost better.”
“Sure,” Ilya agrees just for the sound of it, because he’s not completely sure what Jordin’s talking about. He just knows it doesn’t matter, what matters is being here now.
Ilya stares up at the sky until his eyes hurt, then he shifts to look at Jordin. Maybe it’s a trick of light but he swears he can see the air flowing over Jordin, trickling down in a slow dance. And Ilya knows everything isn’t perfect yet, but right now he’s content to forget about the world and stay caught in the current, watching Jordin sleep under the blazing sun.
Players: Jordin Tootoo/Ilya Kovalchuk
Rating: PG
Summary: Everything always changes. We just have to make the best of it. Written for Bernie's road trip challenge.
A/N: Rankin Inlet is in Nunavut, a territory of Canada. It is in the Arctic Circle.
Ilya is dreaming of air moving like water. A slow drag twines around him and he shivers, not out of cold but unease. The currents are the color of blue and ash. In the distance a strange noise forces him into half consciousness, and he wonders if it’s his ceiling fan. Then he leaves the dream fully behind and realizes someone is knocking at his front door.
He slumps downstairs while pulling on his robe, eyes squinting in the grey darkness, trying to think of who could possibly be here this early in the morning.
It’s Jordin.
“Sorry,” is Jordin’s greeting because he knows it’s early too.
Ilya blinks slowly to keep Jordin in focus. The shorter man looks pale and tired but his eyes are strangely, feverishly bright.
“What?”
“I need to hear the ocean.”
“What?” Ilya’s brow creases in confusion. “Buy one of those nature tapes. Did you drive here?”
“I need to feel it…I need…” Jordin sighs, like he’s run out of words. “Come with me.”
Ilya is sure he can deal with this better with some more sleep. “You’re crazy. I’m going back to bed.”
“Please. I can’t do this alone.”
Now it’s Ilya’s turn to sigh because nothing breaks him down more than the truth. And Jordin needing him, that’s the truth. So he shoves his keys into the pocket of his robe and follows Jordin to the car.
The last thing he hears before falling asleep again, sprawled out in the back seat, is Jordin’s voice.
“Thanks.”
--
Jordin can’t decide if the gas station is trying to be old fashioned or is just old as he watches the numbers tick by on the pump. He can feel the back of his neck start to burn from being hit by the newly risen sun and he shudders involuntarily. He still hates summers down here.
Back in Rankin the salty wind kept everything cool and it always felt like sunset because the sun never went down. Things were suspended for a moment in time and Jordin loved that about summers in Rankin. He misses it fiercely but can’t bring himself to go back; he can’t ever really go back.
The pump stops and Jordin hurries to put everything away. The air is balmy and getting hotter by the minute; he slides back into the car with a breath of relief.
“How long have we been driving?” Ilya sits up, yawning, the front of his robe falling half open to reveal a sliver of pale chest.
“Almost two hours.” Jordin pauses. “Do you want some coffee? I have coffee.”
“Yeah, okay.” Ilya sheds the robe and in only boxer shorts clambers into the passenger seat. He takes the cup Jordin offers him and sips, then makes a face. “It’s cold.”
“I bought it in Nashville.”
Ilya makes another face but drinks anyway. “Any food?”
“There’s some Power Bars in the glove compartment. We can stop for food later.”
He’s pulling out of the gas station as Ilya starts to rummage.
--
“Tell me again why we’re driving two hundred miles to the ocean?” Ilya has his feet up on the dashboard and is leaving toe prints on the windshield.
“It’s summer. I can’t not be by the sea.”
“So why didn’t you fly home?”
“We don’t fly in the summer, and my home is in Nashville, remember.”
Ilya looks over at Jordin, who is only focused on the road. He wonders if those little speech lapses happen all the time, or just around him. He knows Jordin isn’t a twin, but more often than not he acts like one. Jordin has always needed another half. And suddenly Ilya is certain he’s been chose for the part.
“Fuck.”
“What?”
“Stop the car.”
“I can’t just – “
“Stop the car for a fucking minute, okay?”
Jordin frowns but pulls off to the side of the highway and Ilya’s out of the car before it’s fully stopped. It’s nowhere near noon but the pavement is already hot enough to scorch his bare feet. Ilya doesn’t care. He closes his eyes and concentrates on staying still.
“Are you okay?” Jordin’s voice is full of soft concern. It makes Ilya’s stomach clench.
“I don’t want to be important to you.” Because if it’s unrequited it never has to change and they can stay this way forever. Stay where it’s safe.
“That’s not for you to decide.”
Ilya opens his eyes to see Jordin facing away from him.
“Time doesn’t stop here so we have to move forward. I want you to come with me. Do you really not want to?”
He makes it sound so simple, Ilya thinks wryly, coming down on Jordin’s easy words. He knows Jordin is right; when they’re together they don’t have to run but they can’t stay still either. However, that doesn’t mean it’s any less daunting.
“I’m afraid to.”
Jordin turns around, his eyes dark, serious. “That’s okay.”
“Yeah?” Ilya breathes in deeply and reaches out to touch Jordin’s lips. They’re trembling. Somehow, that makes him feel better. “We should get back in the car.”
Even though Ilya still feels like he’s slipping away, Jordin’s smile makes the direction he’s being carried in seem slightly less terrifying.
--
The glimmering line on the horizon looks like fire and Jordin loves it. It means they’re almost at the end, and this time when they start over it’ll be on moving water, not ice.
The radio is on and something vaguely country drifts from the speakers; it’s background music to Ilya’s snores. Jordin takes his eyes off the road for a minute to just look at the sleeping man.
Ilya is nothing like what he wanted yet is everything that he needs.
And Jordin understands why Ilya’s scared, he’s scared too, because making someone important means there’s a possibility of loss, of pain. Still, he doesn’t want to stop. If one day, they end, Jordin wants to know that they ended burning as brightly as they could.
Then it would be worth it.
--
Even though Ilya’s never thought the ocean particularly anything, he admits it’s very nice now. The sand is comfortingly hot beneath him, the air is soothingly sticky, and the waves are loud enough to drown out unnecessary thoughts.
Besides him, Jordin is laying spread eagle with his eyes closed.
“It’s too hot,” he mumbles, “but it’s nice.”
“You can go cool off in the water,” Ilya suggests, poking at Jordin’s side. The skin he touches is warm.
“Maybe later.” He grabs Ilya’s hand and pulls him down until they’re lying together. “Just stay here. It’s similar but not the same, feel it? It’s almost better.”
“Sure,” Ilya agrees just for the sound of it, because he’s not completely sure what Jordin’s talking about. He just knows it doesn’t matter, what matters is being here now.
Ilya stares up at the sky until his eyes hurt, then he shifts to look at Jordin. Maybe it’s a trick of light but he swears he can see the air flowing over Jordin, trickling down in a slow dance. And Ilya knows everything isn’t perfect yet, but right now he’s content to forget about the world and stay caught in the current, watching Jordin sleep under the blazing sun.
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